Never Die
by Elizab3thBlack
Summary: Duo looks back on his life, pondering the real meaning of youth.


A/N: A song fic, that I think is pretty good about Duo and how his life has gone.

Never Die

He sat watching out the oak window pane; it was old and chipping. Pieces of the stain slowly peeling off. His callused hands were crisscrossed and his defiant chin lay upon them. As his violet eyes watched the few children running in the rain. From deep within him came a heaving sigh. They ran around chasing one another, playing tag. He wondered how long it had been since he'd played. Sitting up, he slowly began to lift the window. Halfway up he changed his mind, and re-shut it. With another glance out the window to see the children still playing and their laughter reflected off the deep purple shadow in his eyes. Still standing he walked out of the room, through the creaky wood door.

_Hands on a window pane_

_Watching the children laugh and play_

_They're running in circles_

_With candy canes and French braids_

Slowly down the stairs he came to the coat closet. Sliding the white-washed door open. Two coats hung. Taking the larger one out he slid one arm into it then the other. As he sluggishly buttoned each snap an old memory paced through his mind.

The young, gentle woman brushed his long, chestnut hair, humming as she did. The young boy sat patiently, thinking deeply. Suddenly his high-pitched voice rang in her ears.

"Sister Helen what makes you a grown-up?" She suddenly stopped the brushing to look out into nothingness. At first he thought he'd said something wrong but then she replied to his curious question.

"To be a grown-up you have to have responsibilities, and take action for those responsibilities. To grow up means to lose a part of your youth. To lose what kept you innocent. Whether it be death, life, war, or peace; something will happen to make you lose that something in age." For a few moments the boy said nothing and just gazed out into the void until smiling.

"I'm never goin' to let that happen Sister Helen. Cuz' I'm not gonna grow up!" She laughed and hugged him.

"Oh Duo, you can't stop it. It's a betrayal that comes into everyone's life."

"But...that's not fair." He replied pouting. His lower lip pink and sticking far out.

"You know if you do that to long a little birdy will land there and leave a yucky surprise." A small grin began to show but he defiantly brought back the frown keeping his arms crossed. With her own smile she began to rebrush his silky hair. After a few moments his arms dropped down to his sides, and a grin was slowly forming at his lips.

Somewhere in the church music began to play and Duo squirmed.

"Sister, hurry! They've started!" Her smile broadened at his enthusiasm.

"Hold on, I'm almost done. Now where'd I put that rubber-band?" Another pout formed.

"You lost it? But I won't get to play if..."

"Found it now sit down so I can finish, hm." Quickly he did as told with another wide smile.

Down the hall the other orphanages ran in a circle singing and dancing to the music.

_Inspired to question_

_What makes us grown-ups anyway?_

_Let's search for a moment_

_When youth betrayed itself to age_

He remembered that had been the same day the Maxwell Church Massacre had happened. So long ago. The screams, and terror. Such hatred for such kind people. The day had been a looked foreword one. All the children of the church playing their games. And getting a larger meal then usual.

When the first attack began, he'd just played the first game of tag. That was when death began to surround him. It was the time he'd truly began to grow up. The first time he'd defied death. But he'd never let himself forget the first games. Hoping to keep some innocence at heart.

_So let the children play_

_Inside your heart always_

_And death you will defy_

_'Cause your youth will never die_

Heading down the darkened hallway, Duo came upon the old oak door. As he went to open it another memory came flashing in.

He'd been laying on the ship looking up at the rolling, hazy clouds. As the first big droplets of rain fell down, someone walked up next to him and silently sat down.

Lifting himself up on his elbows he slightly turned to his companion. "You ever played in the rain Heero?"

Not even turning to him, Heero bent the unbroken leg and rested an arm on the knee. Sighing he tilted his head up and shut his eyes; letting the rain drizzle on his face.

Duo waited, having earlier discovered his 'friend's' lack of social skills. Soon the deep, monotonic voice echoed in the chilled air.

"I don't know how to play. Ever since I can remember I've been a solider, or been trained as one. All I know are my missions." Duo stared at him.

"You've never been a kid? Are you serious?!" For a moment Heero didn't move then suddenly he turned to Duo, his Prussian eyes wide. Duo swore he could see the pain flickering like lightening there. Heero shook his head no.

Duo's mouth gaped open. Realizing the rudeness he closed it and turned to look foreword over the dark, crashing waves. As Heero now stared at Duo's silhouette the American sighed again.

"I've never forgotten what it's like to play in the rain." As he said it he lifted a hand to catch a few drops of water.

_In searching for substance_

_We're clouded by struggle's haze_

_Remember the meaning_

_Of playing out in the rain_

As the door swung open and the grey clouds filled the sky, Duo stepped out onto the flattened, crisp lawn. Walking around the old house a slight smile came to his face as more happier memories spread through his mind.

Chlorinated water splashed on him. Laughing out loud he jumped in and went to attack the little boy. "You'll never catch me Dad!" The boy yelled, swimming as fast as he could across the pool.

As he stopped on the other side he turned around to look for his father. Not seeing him, the little boy with chestnut hair frowned in worry. "Dad? Dad? Dad where'd you go?! Dad!" Suddenly a tall, lean figure appeared from the water dragging the boy down.

As the two resurfaced, Duo laughed, and the boy sputtered. "Daaaaaaaad...that wasn't funny!" Duo ruffled his hair and smiled.

"I thought it was..." He said, helping him sit on the edge of the pool, then getting out himself.

As he walked further around the house his mouth curved downward into a frown. It had also been that night; when they'd been driving home, that that terrible accident had happened. The one that'd killed his wife and son. The one that had left him in the confusing, timeless maze of pain and suffering.

_We swim in the fountain_

_Of youth's timeless maze_

_If you drink the water_

_Your youth will never fade_

It had been only his promise to Sister Helen that had kept him from killing himself during his depression. Knowing if he did such a thing his youthfulness, his son, would die completely.

Finally reaching his destination he stood in front of two gravestones; reading the names of his loved ones. Kneeing down in front of his sons he ran his old fingers over the engraved lettering. He stood back up, tears running down his wrinkled face. Looking up toward the heavens he smiled slightly as the clouds suddenly began to part showing the sunbeams that had been hidden from the earth.

As he whispered something out, the wind caught it and blew it up for the world to hear. Running a hand through his still thick, but greying hair he pulled out of his coat pocket a gun. It looked like it hadn't been used for years, which it hadn't. Smiling sadly back at the two gravestones he brought the barrel to his head and stared feverishly at the smaller of the two.

_Never die_

Realizing what he was doing he threw the gun down and sighed. Turning around he headed for the laughter that the children were now making.

_I won't let go of that youthful soul_

_Despite body and mind my youth will never die_


End file.
